Poupei Spews

I've been dealing with a lot lately but nothing at all. I've learned to live with the fact that Jeremy's not around but sad part is without phone conversation I feel like i did  when I was single. It's weird but instead of going home to my moms I go home to Jeremy's dads which shocks it into place I am married just alone. But not fully alone and all emo and shit. Just as far as a couple I'm only one half to the whole and I want the whole back..preferably now, but that's not going to happen.
Work has  been a chore, but the money isn 't half bad. It's just the nights are so dam tiring and I don't know how much of it I can handle or if I'll ever get used to it.

Another day of job hunting, today I'm bringing the bear gun. I'm going to get a job or blow a hole through it. O.o XD
I'm going check out the casino and see what I can get over there since everything BUT what I want to do is up for hire, go figure right? I think I should work at a call center ;P I'd last about 10 minutes before killing something.
My stomach isn't in a good mood this morning and the water isn't helping =[ I think I know why though, stupid B.C and even if it's not the birth control, I'm blaming it any fucking way.
I'm so tired, but good news is I feel asleep at my father in laws house at night for the first time since Jeremy has been gone.

So I posted a status on myspace this morning ish saying " you either are or you aren't..there's no inbetweens or I wanna's" and an ex step mom messaged me asking me if I was talking about being gay. For one, wtf? Random much? I'm bi, that's technically an inbetween, well it is one. So, that would make me a hypocrite. Secondly, what would make someone come to that kind of conclusion? She's been a little out there for the past year or so and she really may be becoming crazier than crazy lady. -.-;

Speaking of crazy lady, pops with her still, surprising right? He's also a night guard lol Personally I wouldn't want to be in the place he's guarding...just my thing. =P

I'm still looking for a job hoping I can get one soon.

Got bored and drew something :)

I would believe it's because of a few reasons. One of them being that teenagers are distracted much easier than someone in their late 20's+. They distract themselves with phones, passengers talking, loud music, etc and they don't realize that they are doing that and that it's not safe. Usually responding with an "I do it all the time, I'm fine". I also think it's because of drinking because I know teenagers drink even if they aren't 21. It happens all the time and it's inevitable. Lastly, it's because of inexperience driving and in certain situations they can get flustered and cause an accident that could have been prevented.

I've literally cried myself sick tonight and it doesn't seem that my emotions are going to let up on me. It's like the littlest things make me react in the hugest ways. Mainly when I don't hear from Jeremy. Maybe, I'm not giving this enough time and in time it'll get better. But not being with Jeremy is currently breaking my heart to no end.

Jeremy is going to be gone back to Virginia in 2 days and I really don't want him to leave. Good news though, is that he finally got the bumper fixed and in place, so yay and he fixed the fuse thing for the back lights. I'm happy because now I can look for a job. There's this place I keep passing by that I'm quite curious about and I might apply there, it's a small independent store, and I'm assuming what it is but I really have no clue if it's is or not. I will find out before the weeks end, that is if I can walk by the end of the week. I'm thinking I'll be ok if I ice my leg and take care of myself. I'm probably walking on it too much but at the same time I think it's good that I don't make my leg stiff. It hurts so bad if I don't keep it hanging, like if I prop it up at all it hurts as soon as I try to get up to walk. I don't know why that is exactly but I guess if it persists tomorrow I will find out because I'm going to the doctors. Jeremy says it may be stress fracture and that I could see as to the reason I'm hurting. I understand stress fracture, but not broken. It feels like it is, but it could be the effects of the sunburn + whatever is causing the extra pain and swelling. I swear I have a cankle on my right leg, it's that swollen. I can't even bend my foot up. So if I do go to the doctors I hope they don't ask me to do that, I may cry if they do.

Anyways! My sister is having her gallblader thingy taken out. I hope everything goes well with her. I'm glad they finally found what was wrong and I've got my hopes for the best. :)

My brother is coming down pretty soon, it's gonna suck that I won't see him that much because he'll be with his woman and whatnot. I don't know why exactly but I have grown a minor distaste for her ever since a certain mini break up ensued. I just think that when you get with someone that is already in the military you have to physically and mentally prepare yourself for the reality of dating someone in the military. And trust is a huge part of that, and so is knowing that, yes they may not be there and you may be stressed or freaking out, but that it won't always be like that and as long as you care enough to try it'll work out. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't, but things like that happen in everyday life with everything and you have to learn to go with the flow and take the punches as they come. Idk what that rambling all meant, but I'm done now lol

I want to seriously rip my hair out and go insane,well i got the insane part down pack. Jeremy's ship is being the biggest douches they can possibly be and I swear I want to hurt them so bad. I think I may have a heart attack, I just want to be over this, I really really do.

Everything with this move just has to be so fucking difficult. For once can't Jeremy and I just get a break? Well, according to Jeremy's command he's a piece of shit for asking to take leave a long time ago and being told that he can take it they would make sure it went through. He got everything in order and now they're treating him like crap and saying he can't get it. So if he doesn't get leave I have no clue what I'm going to do. This is way too late for something like this to happen. If Jeremy doesn't get leave...I'll have to drive by myself. I'm scared and stressed and I don't even like trying anymore. I'm about to have my biggest break down.

Good morning!

     So I decided this morning [since I haven't slept yet] that I was going to be productive!

it was short lived.

     Things like this always happen, but I did pack up some stuff and there's this splotch of floor that is completely cleaned...where I was sitting

O.o
  
     I have no idea why I'm typing like this. haha oh well deal with it.

I did make a doctors appointment. FINALLY! It's for today. yay :) and I have my cox being canceled and I tried to get something on my husbands phone canceled but I can't because it's like a special package for his phone and if I were to cancel that it would basically DESTROY HIS PHONE.,.ok not really but he would lose all his stuff. And, he would not appreciate that so I didn't do it.

I have nothing more to say, and I need to go and be productive. O.o so BYEE. I'll let ya'll know how the doctors go :)

So I was looking at these pictures and yet another person I know has snake bites, and they just don't look right. But that's their trip it's cool, I love mine, you can love yours. Whatever. But it reminded me of this person I worked with last year who looked at me [I was wearing work clothes btw] and saw my snake bites and he goes "So you must always do what everyone else is doing" First off rude yanno? Just because you hang out with like 50 bazillion emo want to be punk whiny children whom are so obsessed with snake bites that they wear those fake ones till their mommies let them get them pierced, doesn't mean that I'm following any trend or that I normally do anything because a large group does it. In fact I'm quite the opposite, I do what I want when I want and how I want [unless Jeremy says no Lawl >.>;] and I don't care what anyone thinks of it. I want to get a third piercing on my lip to make it a three way -kinky!- yea but Jeremy says no, so I won't because I'm lucky he's ok with the snake bites. But really the only reason I got the other side done, is 1] they look dam good on me and B] my OCD made me. I could not STAND the one side just feeling like that. So the whole time I had the just one Id bite my lip to simulate the feeling on the other side. i know I'm sick and odd but it's ok.


I would also like to inform you that the letters are super duper small for some reason. My eyes are not processing anything properly, I don't believe that distorted vision is a good thing.


It could be because I haven't slept yet and it's sunny outside now O.o
and I was dizzy and light headed earlier but I said w/e it'll go away.
Oh well, this'll go away.

The one thing in this world that I would love people to do is when someone is planning on doing something no matter the reason and you're the one they have to pay, be honest. I understand that it sucks to lose a tenant, but if they are saying that they have to leave and would like to know how much it would be to break lease, then you should understand that they will want to know EVERY penny they will have to pay. Not just one little part of it. Yea, so long story short my apartment complex once again found a way to fuck me over. I swear they are like modern day pirates -.-;; Never the less, Jeremy and I are leaving, we have no choice in the matter because if we could chose I would say we should wait to move. But, he's already gotten his leave approved, we have his plane ticket home and our u-haul already paid for. So, we're moving and I'm praying nothing bad will happen and this move will go smoother here on out. Once I get settled into my father in laws I'm going to go and look for a job. I am already watching Jayson 3 weeks a month during summer, minus the days my other job stops me from doing so. This way, I'll always be busy and I won't think about Jeremy as much as I know I will at the beginning. And the more I work the more money I get, and the more money we get now the more we save now and the better off we will be once it comes time for Jeremy to depart from the military.

On a different note, Sheena got me hooked on this vampire game on facebook XD

Sheena reminded me that I wanted to write a journal.
First off packing is driving me crazy. It's like every box I pack makes 20 new things to do appear before my eyes! I still have to go back to the doctors now that i finally got my ovaries ovulating. Had to jump start the bitches.. -.-;
I also need to go to the doctors for my back because something wrong with it, as always but not in the same spot -.-;
I can not wait to be moved, I fear for the drive but I think everything will be fine once we get to Fred's I'll be less stressed and won't feel like exploding so much.  I'm banking on everything being better once we get moved out of this hell hole we call an apartment.

I would swear that my upstairs neighbors either want to drive us crazy or don't realize that they walk like elephants and throwing shit on the ground that is heavy is REALLY LOUD AT 2A.FUCKING.M
-.-;;

oh well I'll write something once I get on my new meds.

my body hurts
my throat hurts
my emotions are going haywire
I've got less than a month to pack everything and move
I don't know if Jeremy is going to be able to take leave...

I f Jeremy doesn't get leave I have no clue what I can do. Because I need him to drive, I can't do 20 hours of towing when I've never towed anything a day in my life. Especially not myself 2 cats my husbands car, and oh yea everything we own -.-;;

Oh and I also need to get my eyes checked and get new glasses. And get my teeth drilled -.-; and make sure that my ovaries aren't dying on me.

Life sucks.

So as of today myself and Prissy are going to be working out and walking everyday. Mainly working out on weekends to go around her schedule. But walking every night no matter what! I want to lose weight and be happy. If no ones going to hire me I'm going to fill my time some other way. Maybe losing weight will make me happier and if I'm happier I'll be more positive and I'll get a job? I don't know but this is what I want to do, and I want to get Prissy doing it too because we need to get together and be happy and not around Navy and stress for a least 2 hours a day.

In other news my tabby Simba almost burned down my house last night. Now he and the other two cats are banned to one room in the house. They may not like it but I can't have them running free all the time. So if I want to play with them i don't have to worry about having something on the counter and it get stolen.

I'm already happier just thinking of my plan to lose weight. I set a goal and everything.

So I'm not sure if I counted wrong or if one of my hamsters have been eaten by a very very grounded cat. Simba got into the room the hamsters are in while I was gone and snatched 2 of my hamsters, the mom and I'm guessing a baby, but I have no proof. But the mom got away thankfully since she had 4..or 3 idk each time I look it changes...anyways she had MORE babies.

I went shopping today..and got my hair cut!
<img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y261/Fallin__angel/fauxhawk021.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket">

It's short again..I like it.

I have no idea what's going on my life seems to be in disarray. -.-;

oh I'm moving back to Louisiana. I think Jeremy is wanting to rid of me. But I understand why I'm going back. This'll be fun.

Life has been a bit crazy lately, I now, more than ever don't know who I should and shouldn't trust. It seems every time I go to write someone off as not being a friend because of something that's when they start trying again. It tears me because I don't want to be mean, but I know I deserve to be at least a little mean.

After not seeing Gina since before deployment was over I see her at a party last night. The one place I would have never expected to see her. The first thing she does is try and find me, I mean come on, after basically not acknowledging my existance for 4 months you expect me to run open arms and say you're my friend? I'm not that easily won over.

Well, I have some where to be, not by my choice however.

I hate not being able to sleep with my husband. What the hell is up with that? I went to bed early as hell, I didn't even cook for him! I should have, because I had intended to, but I was upset with him so I just went and laid in bed. Which caused me to fall asleep, and then around 9 he came in and went to bed, and I was fine but then at 11 I was up. I had to pee, and once I got up to pee, I was done for the night. I even went back after a little tv and internet and went to go fall back asleep because I love laying with him, but I just can't sleep. So I'm up again and it's 2:25. =[  am I a bad wife because of that?

I don't think that people realize how stressful some of them make it to come down to visit.
1. There's a reason I let you know at least a month in advance that I'll be coming down and for how long. 
- It means I would like to visit you
- It also means I'm giving you time to possibly work me and Jeremy into your schedule, or for you to know when you can come visit.
- If you're busy and HAD promised something to me, or to do something with me, warn me so I don't waste valuable time waiting around for you.
2. I do not control when I can come down
- I work around my husbands schedule
- It's the military. we control NOTHING.
3. If you can visit me but I can't drive to see you
-DUH, come over and spend time with me. I only have one vehicle.

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I don't know why I have to be the bad person all the fucking time when it comes to this shit. 

Sheena, it's ok about the picture, if you want to scrap it and just do a cartoon like picture [or just whatever because I don't know any of the differences in them] and not a painting[though those are pretty haha], I'm fine with that. Just as long as it's two wolves like I mentioned before. He'll love it either way.

Jeremy got me a new camera for Christmas! It's a Fujifilm s1000 finepix =D It's a lovely camera and I'm going crazy over it.

Also, I lost everything that was on my computer, I'm so pissed. Jeremy downloaded a bug and we had to start from scratch to get it off. Which means wiping the harddrive and everything. Blarg!!! I told him he's no longer allowed to download anything onto my computer. If he would have just listened to me to begin with when I told him he would mess up our computer by downloading so much crap that he just "had" to have like ds games downloaded for the computer, or whatever they're called, I can't remember. It really doesn't matter because it's one of those little games that added the stupid bug on our computer. What's funny about it is that Jeremy, mom, and my father-in-law fussed over the computer for 2 days and I just let them thinking they could fix it, or get frustrated with it and I can ask Uncle Mike to help me. Welp, I get on and within 3 minutes had the computer fixed, unfortunately then we had to get his friend to get us some drivers installed onto the computer, because we lost them and our disks for the computer are all in VA.